I don’t have cable…. I care

can’t possibly keep my mouth shut about all that is happening in the news and this entire issue of gay marriage. It’s literally OUT OF HAND.

I keep writing and talking and thinking about how this country of ours was founded. It was the separation of church and state. I don’t make this stuff up. Look in your 10th grade history book – it’s there. Better yet, google it. You’ll see I’m not lying. There is such a separation of church and state that churches or religious organizations do not have to pay taxes. DO.NOT.HAVE.TO.PAY.TAXES. That’s how separate they truly are.

We are a great nation that was founded on this one belief. Way back when we crossed a body of water. Docked on a foreign land. Set up shop. (and when I say set up shop I mean raped and pillaged and basically destroyed an entire race of people) Because we were being oppressed in England and we were not allowed to practice our religion. The Catholics said no. We came over here to have religious freedom and to have a distinction between Church and State.

Now here we are in 2012 and it’s like it is 1958. Women’s issues are being brought to the forefront of political campaigns and people are being denied their civil rights.

It’s true. My father is going to have to grow his fro back and take to the streets cause we are all going backwards. We are on the express train to 1955.

I still want an answer why Ella Fitzgerald had to use the back entrance to every club she performed in and couldn’t drink from the same water fountain as white people. That still baffles me. I’m not kidding either. Doesn’t make sense to me. Not even a little. Not even on one of my crazy days. One of the greatest female singers EVER and she couldn’t walk through the front door.

It baffles me just as much as our Federal Government and each State (uhhmmmm North Carolina) denying gays the right to get married.

Insert crazy Evangelical here. Insert the Bible here. Insert every right wing crazy here. Insert Glen Beck here. Insert Bill O’Reilly here. Insert Mitt Romney here (and if we are talking religion that guy believes in a religion that has a founding belief that a 10 yr old boy heard God by an apple tree and he is their prophet – and no I’m not kidding or trying to slander Mitt Romney cause I think he’s a jerk off – it’s true – google it)

I don’t want to hear about the Bible and how “Obama is leading an attack on traditional marriage” which is a quote from Rush Limbaugh. He’s such easy picking it’s sort of silly at this point. Rush Limbaugh who has been married FOUR effing times. Who is leading the attack on traditional marriage? I’m confused. The man who has married one woman and has been married to the same woman for a number of years and is raising two lovely daughters or the guy who has been married four times and has been in and out of rehab (ok cheap shot about rehab it is a disease – I agree but sometimes it needs to be said)

Or how about Newt Gingrich – don’t get me started on this clown. He started impeachment hearings on Clinton while sleeping with his assistant. He was married at the time. He has a daughter who is gay and HE IS AGAINST gay marriage. That to me is baffling. So he sits down at the dinner table and looks at his daughter and says – yeah I don’t think you can marry the woman you’ve been with for the past ten years cause it’s just not right. The Bible says so. The Bible also had dudes in it with ten wives. Women had to go into a tent to menstruate and animals were commonly sacrificed – but hey – it’s 2012 we should absolutely follow that protocol.

Seriously people, are we all just asleep at the switch?

Is it ok for the nation to be having these dialogues?

Is it ok that our nation has turned Jesus and God into these right wing conservative nuts – cause last time I checked Jesus was a pretty Liberal Jew. He fed the poor. He befriended prostitutes. He helped leapers. He made it happen. He didn’t judge (I’m fairly certain he leaves that part up to his Father: God) He didn’t point fingers. He didn’t question. He fed the masses. He didn’t shave for crying out loud, was a carpenter and he wore sandals (and quite possibly a mu-mu) I’m just saying he was ok with it all. He was all encompassing. Leapers. Prostitutes. The poor. The hungry. The confused. Liars, cheaters, beggars. Jesus. Did. Not. Care.

And don’t get me started on God. How people are perceiving God to be slightly obsessed with Gay Marriage. I’m fairly certain he would endorse two loving individuals wanting to honor the sanctity of marriage and raise healthy children as best as they can. LIKE. EVERYONE. ELSE. Plus I’m pretty sure he’s trying to solve the crisis in Sudan right now or the poverty in India or the water shortage in Third World countries or the situation in Haiti. I’m just bringing to light that quite possibly God could have other things on his mind – other than two loving individuals wanting to get married.

A convicted murderer in PRISON can get married but someone who is Gay is denied the privilege. Honestly you have to be kidding.

At one point interracial marriage was illegal. A black person and a white person marrying was illegal.

I’ll let that sink in for a minute.

And here we are. All asleep at the switch. More concerned with who the Bachelor chooses for his bride (don’t get me started on that show) then we are with people being denied their civil rights. We are all more interested in who won American Idol than we are with people in loving relationships who are being denied a right. We are all reading Facebook and now every detail of everyone’s mundane life. YET we are all ok with a group of individuals denied a right. We are all wound up over gas prices than we are over an entire group of people being denied their rights. You go home and fight with your SPOUSE about how much money you pay at the pump and Gay people go home and complain with their “domestic partner”.

I don’t have cable. I have no clue who the Bachelor or Bachelorette even is. I have no idea when American Idol is even on and I haven’t even seen the X Factor. Except I’ll openly admit to completely knowing everyone’s business on facebook and really being obsessed with US Weekly. Not proud. Just truthful. And I’ve never been married. Couldn’t imagine myself married. But that doesn’t mean since I have the right I only want a certain group of people to have that right. If people took that stand in the 1920’s I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be writing this blog and I wouldn’t care who was running for president cause I couldn’t VOTE.

I’m concerned. I’m super concerned. I feel like – yes Dad – grow your fro back and take to the streets. Make people see like you did on that basketball court in 1958 that it doesn’t matter. You took a sip out of that water jug with those black kids and they went home to their moms and said – I think George is black he has our hair and he drank from the same water jug as us and their mom’s replied – no he’s not black he’s just a dumb white kid who doesn’t know any better. (as a side note he is kinda growing his fro back but it’s turning into more of a high top fade than anything)

But he did know better. He just didn’t care. Those kids were his friends. His teammates. His neighbors. It didn’t make sense to him to NOT drink out of that water jug. It was hot. He was thirsty and he was with friends.

And that’s the mentality we have to start having. This isn’t right. People are being denied a right that other people have. If one set of people has a right then EVERYONE gets that right. It’s what our country was founded on.

We’ve lost sight of that. In a profound way. In an extremely profound, let’s have a discussion about women’s birth control and let’s not have gay people marry kind of way. It’s unsettling.

That’s deep. I say put down your remote. Walk away from the Facebook son. Turn off that iPhone. Put away that iPad. And take to the streets.

We have to. Stop hiding behind religion. Realize that you are smarter than that. Pretend you paid attention in 10th Grade History. Honor the separation between Church and State and take to the streets. If you have the right to marry then everyone should have the right to get married.

I don’t have cable. I’ve put down the remote and I’ve tuned into the rhetoric being thrown around and it scares me. It scares me as a woman and it scares me as an American. It can’t continue.

No matter what. Certain people have a right. All people need to have that same right. It’s only right.

DWTS – Why you should continue to watch…

Cher and Chaz Bono 09.01.2011

Dancing with the Stars – I’ll admit it – I watched it.  I’m not ashamed even though I should be.  I have to watch the highlights now since eliminating cable television from my life over a year ago – it had to do with a particularly bizarre episode of Hoarders where they found a squished cat under a stack of things that the lady was hoarding.  It was so appalling to me that I finally made the cut to go to no cable television
at all.

But Dancing with the Stars was one of my guilty pleasures.  It was. The gaudy costumes, the lighting, the music selection, the d-list celebrities and sports personalities, the sequined shirts – it was a recipe for complete and utter addiction for me.

 

 

Now Chaz Bono is a contestant and people are protesting.

I’ll let that one sink in for a minute. 

Ok so now that you understand that is a reality I’ll continue.  It seems that angry mothers united to protest – here is a quote from one of the protesters taken from a religious website  “I personally do not mind watching Chaz,” wrote Callisandria2. “The problem is that I watch this show with my 10 year old daughter. I am sure the show will talk about Chaz and the controversy, and I am not ready to explain all of that to her yet. We just barely covered the birds and the bees. We always watch one show together, in the fall it’s DWTS, and in the spring it’s American Idol.  Looks like we will try X-factor instead this season.”

Yup.  Hey Lady how about this:  When Chaz shows up on-screen have no conversation – it’s just another dude dancing.  But if you want to have any conversation – here is the conversation to have:  – sweetie – Chaz was born a women and felt that in her heart and soul she was a man and she struggled for years and almost took her own life until she decided to have gender reassignment surgery and we should take this
as an opportunity to talk about how all people are different and we shouldn’t pick on people and we should accept people for who they are and not be judgmental and we should never bully people.
Done and done. 

Mario & Karina Promo Shot

The conversation you SHOULD be having with your 10 yr old DAUGHTER is about how Dancing with the Stars projects the image upon the American public that women are sex objects – flung around a dance floor in barely there costumes showing off their goods and shaking their asses.  You don’t have to wear next to nothing to showcase your dance talents.  Nobody wants to have that conversation – girls these days wear  hoochie shorts and basically look like hookers and start wearing make-up at 9 yrs old but nobody is saying anything about
that.  That’s all ok.  Don’t even get me started about Toddlers and Tiara’s the show on TLC.  How come there are no shows that objectify men?  I would like to see that for a change.

If you want to have a conversation about that…. Then ok.  That’s a conversation that should be happening in your home.  Not about Chaz Bono being a transgender.  Who gives a rat’s ass?  Really?  He’s a dude now get over it.

I’m assuming these are the same people who protest same-sex marriage – which to this day baffles me.  Love who you want to love.  Marry who you want to marry.  Let’s go back to History 101 where there is a separation of church and state.  Which is a basic fundamental idea of what this country was founded on – look at your Declaration of Independence people – it’s all there.

It baffles me what the American public chooses to focus on.

I wonder what that women’s conversation was with her 10 yr old daughter when Michael Irvin showed up on Dancing with the Stars.  Or maybe she glossed over the Hall of Famer Football star’s trouble with the law including but not limited to the following:

1996 Arrest for cocaine possession

1996 Accused of sexually assaulting a woman, with a gun to her head and videotaping it

1998 Accused of inflicting a 2” “cut” on a teammates neck during “haircut time” at training camp when an argument broke out (he claims it was an accident)

1999 Arrested for drug charges

2005 Arrested for drug paraphernalia in his car during a speeding stop by police (he claimed it was his brother’s)

July 4^th 2007:  Accused of sexual assault AGAIN

August 7, 2007: a mere month after being accused of sexual assault being inducted into the Hall of Fame.

 

David Hasselhoff Drunk

What was that conversation like lady?  Cause if we are going to start picking on people’s personal habits then let’s go there with Michael Irvin.  Or how about David Hasselhoff and that fine example of parenting he displayed during his drunken debacle that was video taped BY HIS DAUGHTER and you-tubed for the entire world to see.  Or what about Bristol Palin?  Who got pregnant in HIGH SCHOOL and had a baby.  I wonder what that conversation was like when she showed up as a contestant.

LG Mugshots

Do I even need to go there with Lawrence Taylor – I mean that guy was just busted for having sex with A MINOR who was a prostitute in a hotel room and is NOW A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER.  And Pamela Anderson – she shows up and she has a sex tape and GIGANTIC FAKE BOOBIES – talk about messing with mother nature – there isn’t anything on that woman that’s genetic.

I’m not saying we should judge any of these people – but if that woman is going to judge and say she can’t watch the show now because of her 10 yr old daughter then we need to look at ALL the contestants.

No let’s focus on Chaz Bono and protest over him and how as an adult he struggled and made a decision and had surgery and allowed it to be publicized to send a message to other people SUFFERING that this is actually an option.  And don’t go down the – don’t mess with mother nature cause I’m fairly certain that woman either has fake boobies or gets botox.  What’s the difference?  Isn’t that messing with mother nature?

It’s ridiculous what people in this country ban together and get in an uproar about.  How about the fact that our economy is TANKING?  People
are out of work.  We just got struck with a life altering hurricane on the East Coast and Louisiana is still getting hammered by it.  How about the fact that we STILL HAVE TROOPS IN AFGHANISTAN – why not ban together and protest some of that stuff?  BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN ARE DYING IN AFGHANISTAN….10 years later  – 10 YEARS LATER – dear lord – and we don’t ban together and try to get them all out of that country safe and back with their families.  (Let’s not forget – those men and women that are fighting are the reason this woman has a voice to protest Chaz Bono on DWTS.)

I wish we would ban together and protest something substantial and meaningful.  It’s not going to happen – instead we are all going to sit on our fat asses in our homes on couches and protest a transgender human being on Dancing with the Stars.  Can you possibly be serious?

DWTS Promo Shot

DWTS Promo Shot

DWTS Promo Shot

Hurricane Irene

Everyone along the coast in Connecticut was affected by Hurricane Irene.  Our area, the Wildemere Beach area of Milford was devastated – but not as much as other towns.  Still it was something to see waves crashing over people’s homes at the end of my street.  I have no pictures.  If you can believe that.  Not one pic.  I just couldn’t fathom what was happening in front of my eyes.  There was a rip current on Broadway.  Gas grills were floating by.  Our area was under
evacuation.  But I stayed.  My parents were under mandatory evacuation but my father stayed.  My brother stayed with him.

My mother and all the family pets came to my house.  My mother couldn’t handle it so she slept over and then went back to her house at 7am – her garage had 3’ of water in it and on her street the water was up to her mailbox at the end of driveway by 11am.  It was a little overwhelming.  I stayed inside and my power went out at 7am on Sunday.  It came back on Wednesday at 7pm and I want to share with you what I learned when I
lost power.

1.  During the daylight hours get candles.  And just remember those candles need matches or a lighter to get light.  That’s critical.
2. Get over it.  You don’t have power.  It’s not coming on anytime soon.  You’re in for the duration.  Think 5-7 days duration.  This shit isn’t gettin’ light up for a while.  It was a hurricane downgraded to a tropical storm.  You’re in the dark for a while.
3. Get a book
4. Get a headlamp – it’s a stupid looking.  But your hands are free and that’s critical in the dark
5. Call a friend who has power and use their shower.  Don’t let yourself go just because you don’t have power.  We’re not pilgrims.  We have deodorant.  We have products.  Wash your hair.  If you don’t have a friend go to your gym and if you don’t have either – sit in the dark and re-examine your life.  When the lights go on maybe you’ll decide on having one or the other
6. If you have access to a shower – pack a backpack with the essentials; towel, toothbrush, toothpaste, hair products, lotion, nail clippers (yup nails still grow in the dark), some lip gloss and of course some eyeliner.  The power’s out – no reason to look like a quaker even if you are living like one
7. Be in your house before dark to situate yourself – get your candles ready, find your headlamp, locate the matches.  Make sure you know where things are before darkness falls
8. Once you’re situated – go outside – talk to your neighbors, go to a restaurant, go old school and talk to someone face to face.  It’s weird I know.  But it’s something to do and it’s actually enriching and fun.
9. Don’t complain. There’s no point.  You don’t have power.  You’re not going to die.  You just can’t facebook, tweet, surf the net, watch basketball wives or check weather.com. It’s power – you’ll survive without it
10. Realize that when you walk into the bathroom – even if it is day six of no power YOU WILL STILL FLIP ON THE LIGHT SWITCH.  You’re not stupid.  Don’t beat yourself up over it.  Everyone does it.

 

Yeah that's right - a chainsaw!

I actually had fun with the storm.  Every night I didn’t have power I walked on the beach with Joe and the dog.  We came up with creative ways to cook.  I light my gas stove burner with a match – it was dangerous and exciting.  I got to spend time with my mother, father and brother.  I got to use a chainsaw and let’s face it – that was the freakin’ highlight of the power outage.  Chainsaws are powerful.  They are loud and exciting and dangerous and fun.  There’s something about the element of being able to cut off your own leg that keeps you focused.  We stacked wood.  I started the generator on Day 3 by myself and it was a proud moment.  I cooked every night.  We ate by candlelight.  I

Joe Grilling near the generator

don’t have television to begin with so I wasn’t really missing much to be honest.  If we are keeping it real – my Sunday was pretty much the same – I mean
there were 60mph winds swirling around my house but I was on the couch with the dog reading a book.  I even took two
naps.  My mother called me and woke me up during one to tell me that we were in the eye of the storm.

Milford Beach (photo courtesy of CT Post)

There is a lot of devastation.  Homes are lost.  Possessions were swept out to sea that can’t be replaced.  It’s brutal.  Mother nature wanted to remind us that the ocean and her winds are extremely powerful.  We all can see that.  We can all pause and appreciate the power of the sea and the power of mother nature and not take it for granted and respect it.  Maybe we can all slow down and not go plug into facebook and twitter and
go outside after work and still continue to talk to your neighbors.  It could happen.

Maybe I can change my line of work and start working for a tree service.  I wasn’t bad with that chainsaw.  I mean – my left arm is still
sore.  But it could happen.

Let’s stay positive.
Let’s focus on the positive.  Yes,
there was devastation, yes there were homes lost, yes we didn’t have power for
days on end.  But we all commiserated, we talked to our neighbors, we got out of our little shells, we engaged with each other.  Maybe mother nature was also reminding us that we are social creatures.

Geraldine Ferraro and Madonna: The Crotch Grab

I was at the Toyota dealership having my Prius serviced and they have this swanky new “lounge” to hang out in while you’re oil is getting changed.

They have free wi-fi and computers to cruise the internet. 2 large flat screens TV’s – both showing WE network movies, a soda machine and free coffee. I plopped myself into a chair and started using the internet. You know me – love my NYPost.com Page Six and my TMZ and my US Weekly Magazine.

And there it was: Geraldine Ferraro died today at 75.

And I was having a moment right there in the Toyota dealership.

She was the first woman who ran for the vice presidential campaign and in Seventh Grade that was the most empowering thing to me. I literally thought I could conquer the world because of Geraldine. I felt like I counted.

Especially because I grew up with two older brothers and a father. My sister was never around – she was too busy running away, making up stories about herself and our family. My mom was just trying to make our family work.

 I was on a solo flight with my woman’s lib stuff. Completely solo.

But I was ok with it. It mattered to me. I didn’t need an army. I had me and that was ok. Then Geraldine showed up on my radar and alone I was no more.

It had a huge impact on me. I felt bold, I felt free, I felt deserving. I took my licks from my brothers but now I stood up to them too. I could. If a woman could be the vice president then I could speak my mind And speak my mind I did. Oh how I spoke my mind.

After Geraldine blazed the trail she set me up for the most pivoting discussion with my father I would ever have.

I received Interview magazine for a Christmas gift – this was back in the eighties when Andy Warhol was still running the magazine.

In 1985 Madonna posed on the front cover dressed boyish but in fish net stockings and she was grabbing her crotch.

My father came home from work and DEMANDED that the magazine be thrown in the trash. When he demanded that was it. End of story.

NOT ON MY WATCH… I lived for Interview magazine – it was my gateway to a wild imagination and development in my brain that was beyond comprehension.

When I read or looked at Interview magazine it inspired me to do creative things – wear weird outfits, push the limits.

And here was my father making the demand for my life line to go into the trash compactor. Was he joking? I distinctly remember standing in front of the trash compactor saying NO.

He was taken aback but he was the Dad so he always had a response – he said it was complete trash, it wasn’t art and it was immoral.

My response: Why are you trashing a magazine that shows someone doing something you do every single night on the couch? You always have your hands down your pants. Why can’t girls grab their crotch?

His response: Because that’s not the way it is.

My response: Well it is the way it is now – just look – this is Madonna and she’s doing it right here.

At this point my mom jumped in and said – you know George she’s right.

And I was.

He knew it.

You can’t have a guy be able to grab his crotch then persecute a woman for doing the same thing. I think it was the turning point with my father. He always says – I never really thought about it until I had two daughters – then I started to realize that my daughters can do anything they want to do – they shouldn’t be restricted because they are female. I like to think I had a hand in it.

I continued to push the limits. Continued to ask about the boundaries. Continued to speak my mind. Because if Geraldine Ferraro could run for Vice-president then I could push the boundaries in my own family unit.

 And push them I did. It wasn’t the national spotlight like Geraldine but it was something and I will miss her.

The Steinbeck Grounding…

 

I’m reading East of Eden by Steinbeck.  It’s a classic.  I figured it was time to re-read it.  And since I’m all into the Constitution and religious freedom I thought it would be a good time to re-read this modern re-telling of Genesis.

 

I read it in high school.  I spent a good part of one of my summers in high school reading Steinbeck.

 

It didn’t end well. Obviously – it was Steinbeck.

 

The infamous grounding…

By the time I reached Of Mice & Men I cried so hard and moped around the house for so many days my parents told me to stop and if I didn’t stop I was grounded.  I didn’t stop moping.  So I was grounded and I was forbidden to read anymore Steinbeck again.

 

Why we were never sick…I grew up in a house where there was never a dull moment and looking back now those moments were pretty funny, I was the baby so of course it was wonderful – but they were parents.  Like when we weren’t allowed to watch more than ½ hr of television A WEEK.  And bedtime for me was 9pm when I was in Junior High and 10pm when I was in high school.  No joke.  I had a bedtime in HIGH SCHOOL.  If you call my mom out on this fact she will proudly say – but none of you kids were ever sick.  She’s right we weren’t.

 

The house of extremes…There were also very funny extreme statements made by both my parents.  When I was sixteen AND DRIVING MYSELF HOME FROM CHURCH – and I rear ended a lady and totaled my car AND her car in front of the Trumbull Fire House while they were having a fund raising picnic – my father showed up on the scene told me to get in the car and then when we got home he yelled at me and said:  IF YOU ARE CRASHING CARS AT SIXTEEN YOU’RE GOING TO BE IN PRISON BY THE TIME YOU ARE TWENTY. At which point our neighbor (who was over for a BBQ) stepped in and calmed my father down.

 

Why my grandmother rocked…So it wasn’t out of the realm of reality that I was grounded for moping around about Steinbeck.  It sucked.  But was secretly fun because books became contra band for a little while.  My parents “wanted me to do something other than read all the time” and I put that in quotes because they said that to me.  It still makes me laugh.

 

My grandmother, who I was really close to, she got wind of the Steinbeck grounding and decided to step in, in her own little way.  She handed me Danielle Steele books and a few other books with Fabio like characters on the front covers fiercly embracing some maiden type woman with a bustier.  And she said – enough of these “classics” here are some good books, but be aware there are a lot of creamy white breasts and throbbing members.  My grandmother wasn’t like that.  But she was like that with me when no one was around and it was fun.  I knew a different side to my grandmother.

Let me say on record – those books aren’t that bad.

 

The last summer she was at the Cape (our family spent summers at the Cape – West Yarmouth – it was my grandmother’s favorite place to go) her and I had what was our last excursion to the bookstore together.

The Pick-Up…Ever since I could drive I was in charge of picking up and dropping off my grandmother for family functions, holidays or dinners.  I loved it – it gave my grandmother and I time to chat – mostly about boys and sometimes how stupid other family members had acted at said function we had just attended.

The Doors Off The Wrangler…I waitressed from the time I was 16 until I was 25.  I got enough money and bought my first car – a Jeep Wrangler soft top – red with khaki interior with cash at the age of 20.  The first person I picked up in it was my grandmother – I took the top down and took the doors off and my grandmother and I went to Timothy’s ice cream in Black Rock and then we sat in my new Jeep at the seawall and hung out.  She got a real kick out of the no door thing.  I got a real kick out of shoving my grandmother into the Jeep – it was high up and after her hip surgery she had trouble but we managed with a good ol’ push on the butt.

 

The last excursion to the bookstore…This particular time at the Cape we went to dinner with my parents – we were in two cars and my grandmother was with me.  After dinner we stopped for ice cream and then I said – let’s go to Borders.  We did.  This was before cell phones and we didn’t tell my mother.  We were cruising around Borders and we were in the Romance section and we bought a few books.

 

The perfect exit stage left line…When we got home my mother was clearly upset (at this point my grandmother wasn’t really that healthy and she would end up dying not even a year later) she met us in the driveway and said – is everything ok?  Where were you guys?  My grandmother got out of the car and without skipping a beat said – oh we were at Borders we needed to get some books – you know the kind with creamy white breasts and throbbing members. And kept walking into the house leaving my mother in the driveway.

 

I’ll let you know about Steinbeck – maybe I’ll have a different perspective on it reading it now.  I can assure you there probably aren’t a lot of creamy white breasts or throbbing members in it.

 

 

 

Check out the Fro… photographic evidence is in the house…

Well, well, well, lookie here what showed up (from an anonymous source.  And I cannot reveal my sources.)

But check out that fro…

See I told you all that he had a fro – and this one is tame compared to other pics I have seen from this era.  I highly endorse him growing it and taking to the streets.

It’s something.  The entire picture is something  – where do I begin?  With the awesome orange and brown shag carpeting?  But maybe that’s not the best place to start – the best place seems to be the plaid pants that everyone is wearing.  What?  Was there a special at Caldor’s?  Yup I pulled out Caldor’s as a reference.

Take note I’m not in plaid pants – I’m in a homemade red dress that had great smocking.  I loved that dress.  I was probably put into plaid pants and FREAKED THE EFF OUT and my mother caved and put me in the dress.  I mean come on – those plaid pants are scary.

I’m incredibly horrified that my family had such scary fashion sense.  I wish I was born first because I would have taken charge of the entire attire for any family photos.  I would have been really good at it.

Just ask my brother Craig – his daughter Autumn is an adorable peanut – and I know she’s my niece but seriously she’s adorable.  I have ZERO and I mean ZERO experience with kids.  My other niece and nephew were living far away when they were young.  And no I didn’t babysit.  Well I did once and the operative word there was ONCE.  I lasted about 2 hours and I caved like a house of cards and called my mother for back-up.  Those little kids would NOT stop crying.  In my defense they were babies and TWINS.  I have no clue what I was thinking.  Actually I have no clue what the parents were thinking.

So Autumn and I are having fun together.  She seriously makes me laugh.  She loves to have her finger and her toenails painted – she likes to get dressed up and she just recently scored a bunch of hand me down Barbies from my brother’s friend! It’s like I died and went to heaven.  I grew up with a sister who was eight years older so I was stuck with two brothers – as I can start a fire, camp for days, hike, love watching sports, could change my oil if I REALLY thought about it, can work with most power tools and can hang with guys like the best of them – they still didn’t like clothes, nail polish, shopping or choosing outfits. 

Now I have Autumn – it’s like having a live Barbie Doll.  It’s the best.  I love choosing her outfits.  I’ve gone shopping for her because obviously she needed a little denim skirt with leggings like I own.

It’s no secret I love clothes.  There have been a few phases of my clothing obsession – I themed dressed.  It was shark week and they were playing JAWS the original on a loop on TNT – I was dressing like the police chief’s wife and I nailed it – how do I know I nailed it?  The UPS driver said to me – you look like the police chief’s wife from JAWS.

Then there was the time I themed dress as Jacques Rogges lunch date – we were lunching in Capri – I was working in Bridgeport, CT at the time but let’s not get too much into the nitty gritty of it all.   Who is Jacques Rogges?  Only the Chairman of the IOC.  What is the IOC?  The International Olympic Committee.  And I knew I nailed those outfits when my father, who I worked with at the time, said – you look like someone – what are you doing?  I said – well since I’m having lunch in Capri with Jacques Rogges I need the appropriate outfit.  Why my father didn’t commit me at that moment is beyond me.  But I was impressed he noticed.  This is from a man who didn’t even notice when I quit.  I was 20 and living and working with my father.  At work he was so absorbed in his work I would go for 8-9 hours without talking to anyone.  It sucked.  I obviously like to talk.  I finally got fed up and in dramatic fashion quit.  He got home and at dinner he said – where did you go this afternoon?  Did you have a Doctor’s appointment?  So if HE noticed my lunching outfits – I’m pretty sure I nailed those outfits too.  That only lasted a few weeks before I got tired of dressing everyday like I was lunching in Capri.  It’s a harder look to pull off then you think.

I also went through a phase of NEVER repeating the same outfit twice.  N-E-V-E-R.  I’m like an outfit savant.  I can remember not only where I purchased the item of clothing and how much it cost but when I wore it and with what.  It’s an illness – I realize this.  But it didn’t stop me from never repeating the same outfit twice.

Then there was the wear something pink every single day.  That one lasted the longest – two years.  To the point that the crew of construction workers I was working on a job with actually all chipped in and bought me a pink hard hat.  That was my best fashion accessory. 

So as you can see – clothes are important to me.  It’s shallow and I could probably spend my time doing other things – yes I agree.  But I do like it and it does make me happy.

I really wanted to be born first so I could have dressed my entire family appropriately for family photos, holidays and parties.  I have two talents, one – I can make anyone and I seriously mean anyone – look great in a photo.  I may have to take 562 pictures but you’ll get one that makes you look like a supermodel.  And two – being able to dress people for varying events.  I just know what looks good on people. I would have dressed my entire family if I was born first.   Being born last – as it gave me the title of most spoiled person on the planet – did and still does have its benefits – but still I would have been good as the first born.

 Mainly because in this photo – nobody would have been wearing plaid pants.  I don’t care how fashionable it was circa 1974.

Growing the fro…

Growing the fro….

In going back and forth with my father about the Tea Parties and our civil rights and the “mosque” at Ground Zero and the burning of the Quran, it’s an ongoing discussion that has been going on for weeks.

My father replied via email:  “didn’t we fight this fight?  Do I have to grow my fro and hit the streets again?”

I responded – I highly endorse the growing of the fro… I’m a huge fan.

My father can grow a mean fro – which he did in the late sixties early seventies

But he has a point.  Didn’t we fight this fight already?  Are we doomed to repeat history?

I feel like the political climate in our country has finally lost their mind and we are really out of our gourds.

We have Tea Party Senate Candidate Christine O’Donnell denouncing masturbation and gays and using religion as a political ploy such as Glen Beck and Sarah Palin are masters at.  When religion became a basis for a political party is sort of lost on me.   Politics and religions shouldn’t mix.  Period end of story.  And if they want to mix then religious organizations should stop being able to be tax exempt entities.

We have Proposition 8 overturned – I can’t even comprehend that on any level.  If you’re gay – why can’t you get married again?  I’m confused.  DO NOT BRING RELIGION into this – if you do – see the paragraph above.  So now why can’t gays get married?  Why can’t gays have the same rights as us?  Someone answer that.  I’m fairly certain the same person who can answer that can answer the question – and why couldn’t black people drink from the same water fountains as us?  I still want an answer on that one.  I’m waiting.

We have 15 yr old Billie Lucas – an Indiana teenage committing suicide because of anti-gay bullying at school, where students actually taunted him and told him to kill himself.  Where these bullies parents or administrators were is beyond me.  Just beyond me.  That level of bullying happens at school and NOT ONE administrator took notice of this kid?  NOT ONE?  Not one teacher, janitor, principal, secretary or bus driver noticed a change in Billie’s behavior?  NOBODY?

We have a freshman at Rutgers jumping from the George Washington Bridge cause his roommate secretly videotaped him and then put it on the web live – what was he doing?  making out or having sex with a boy… BIG DEAL – he’s gay… maybe we shouldn’t focus on the gay situation but let’s focus on the people who are obsessed with it and do weird things like videotape it – nobody is looking at those people? 

We have the Texas State Board of Education voting the fix of ‘pro-Islamic’ textbook bias.  How about not focusing on Muslims and Christians and teach our children the basics of reading, writing and arithmetic.  Maybe the Texas State Board of Ed should focus on this interesting nugget:  “U.S. textbooks treat topics with a “mile-wide, inch-deep” approach, Schmidt said. A typical U.S. eighth-grade math textbook deals with about 35 topics. By comparison, a Japanese or German math textbook for that age would have only five or six topics.”

How about them apples Texas?

In some studies it shows children in THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES as having higher test scores – especially in reading comprehension than the average AMERICAN elementary school student. 

But you know what?  Let’s focus on the pro-Islamic text in a textbook.  That seems like a really great focus the Texas State Board of Education has.  They are right on the money with that one! 

We have a repeal of the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Act – worst idea in the history of ideas.  I’m with Lady Gaga on this one –   she said:  “Doesn’t it seem to you we should send home the prejudice? The straight soldier who hates the gay soldier, whose performance is affected because he is homophobic? He holds and harbors hate and he gets to stay and fight for our country. We gay soldiers, who harbor no hate, no phobia, are sent home …”

Shouldn’t we send home the prejudice?  That seems to be a novel idea.  SEND HOME THE PREJUDICE.

When did it become the norm for prejudice to run rampant in this country – not only run rampant but to gain a national spotlight?

I guess it’s the same reason the douche lords rule the media headlines:  Tiger Woods, Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin the pastor in Florida who wanted to burn the Quran (WHO GOT HIS PASTOR TRAINING IN PRISON – yes  you  heard me – PRISON) and the people who make a difference are relegated to the back page or no page at all.

I like Jon Stewart’s idea:  The Restore Sanity Rally being held in Washington on Oct. 30^th (Even if Steven Colbert is hosting The Keep Fear Alive Rally on the same day – he tells participants to pack six pairs of underwear…)

It’s true Jon Stewart – let’s restore the sanity of America.  We need to.  It’s about time.  If that means my father has to grow back his fro – then George Alonzo – get on it!!

(my father couldn’t find the pic he has of him sporting his fro! it’s unfortunate because it’s a great pic!)

The burning truth…

So there will be no Quran burning after all…

On Sept 11 from 6pm – 9pm a Florida Pastor threatened to systematically burn over 200 Quran’s.  Whenever I think of people burning books – religious or otherwise I think of the scene in Footloose (why they’ve never re-made that movie is beyond me) and then I think about Ray Bradbury’s Farhenheit 451.  That book really bothered me – those flame throwers going into people’s homes and just torching book upon book upon book.  Can you imagine?  I can’t. 

Without cable television (yes I am still holding strong) I have been doing nothing but reading and I have to say – it’s really great.  I can’t imagine Ray Bradbury’s characters coming in an torching all my books.  I’ve been going out more too… seeing and conversing with actual people.  It’s a novelty!  But I digress – let’s get back to the wacko in Florida.

Besides putting our troops in jeopardy – I’m not even remotely for war – but I am for our troops. How those men and women choose to serve our country is beyond my comprehension – they are brave and self-sacrificing.  I had a friend from high school who served in the Gulf War – I used to send him care packages – with tube socks, deodorant, underwear and really epic mix tapes.  Every time I packed one of those boxes I was astounded that I was sending basic care items to someone who was fighting a war.  It confused me – the Government couldn’t supply these things?  It still bothers me.  But he was fighting and I was supporting.  I still support our troops and I think about them more than I care to openly admit.

I sat next to a Marine at a Yankee game in August.  He was blonde and tanned and buff and just adorable, he served in Afganistan and was going to be released in mid-September where he was going back to Louisiana with his wife and new baby.  What struck him was that the baseball players were being paid millions and millions of dollars to play a game and he was sitting there with schrapnel in the side of his body – I saw the scars for serving his country  – and he got paid $2000/month.

Like what?  

So let’s do EVERYTHING in our power to support the men and women serving our country.  It’s simple.  None of us our pro-war.  I can’t accept that someone would actually be excited about destroying someone else’s built environment and killing people.  And if someone is home and feels that way – they should sign up and go shoot some stuff or just shut their pie hole.  As far as I’m concerned if you haven’t served in a war, you aren’t signing up for a war or you don’t want to be in the military then ZIP YOUR LIP about stuff that has to do with war.

It seems like this Pastor has decided to take it upon himself to burn a religious book on the front lawn of his house of worship.  Does this conjure up any other images – something burning on the front lawn of someone’s house ?

Are we going there again as a Nation?  I hope not.

I think this Pastor needs to go back to 6^th Grade American History and he will learn that our country was built upon religious freedom – if he’s confused he can read the Declaration of Independence OR our Constitution (which does not once mention the word God) and our Declaration mentions the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them  and also We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator  – giving the person reading it the chance to insert THEIR VERY OWN creator or divine being into that sentence.  It wasn’t meant to have one Creator or represent GOD – the Christian God – as in In God We Trust – which was put on our money back in the Civil War and the adopted as a national slogan as a joint resolution of Congress in July of 1956 – incidentally right around the same time Brown vs. Education was happening, there was a resurgence in the KKK and racial tensions were running high.  So here we are again – a time of racial tensions, tea party rallies and people rallying together under the auspicious of One Nation Under God.

Let’s go back to the original documents.  Let’s all be patriotic and read those two documents and start from there.

I’ve been reading both documents on my lunch hour because one of my friends got me into watching West Wing – yup I’m ½ way through Season One… it’s good.  Real Good.  But it peaked my interest in our Constitution and how this country runs and how it was founded. 

It was founded based upon our desire as a people for – wait for it – wait for it….

RELIGIOUS FREEDOM…

Our country as a whole has some dark moments.  But we started as trying to get away from religious persecution. 

HEEELLLLLOOOOOOO religious persecution.  This Pastor was planning on burning religious books.

Does anyone see the problem with that sentence?  It’s a PASTOR …. A Christian man… aren’t Christians supposed to be about forgiveness, loving thy neighbor?  Don’t they have the 10 Commandments – this guy should probably go check those out prior to burning some books on his front lawn.

THEN he says – I won’t do it if the “mosque” is moved away from Ground Zero.  I can’t think of anyone more in the dark than this guy.

I have an idea – put down the Bible you are obviously NOT reading and pick up a newspaper and read about the plan for this COMMUNITY CENTER where there will be a place for Christians, Jews and MUSLIMS to worship.  The name of the place is called the Cordoba Center because back in the day in Spain that is where Christians, Muslims and Jews all lived together harmoniously… what a concept.

Hey Pastor Guy – I won’t even mention you by name cause you are a publicity whore of the worst kind – educate yourself BEFORE you put yourself in the national spotlight AND put our troops in jeopardy.  Cause if you burn the Quran then Obama is right for once – it will be a bonanza for religious sects to lose their minds and lash out…

Is this where we are going in this country?  Are we actually going here?  I mean seriously people.  Come on – pull it together already.

How do people like this gain a national spotlight – he’s ignorant.  I guess it’s why a Connecticut DJ WHO DID NOT EVEN GO TO COLLEGE has a rally on hallowed ground on the anniversary of a sacred speech in our nation’s history… that’s right I called it hallowed ground… as far as I’m concerned it is…

The media should just take a vacation for a while and stop giving d-bags like this guy air time.  I will not be surprised when this Pastor guy re-marries Speidi which will be televised by TMZ

All The Single Ladies….

Why the Single Ladies will rule the world….

What?  You didn’t really seriously think I wasn’t going to rant about Elena Kagan being nominated to the Supreme Court and what led up to the Supreme Court Hearings happen right now?

I LOVE the pre-stories on every sporting event known to man how could I NOT get into what happens prior to the Supreme Court Hearings… COME ON…

But I take special interest in this particular rodeo show because like Elena Kagan I too am unmarried.  Not single mind you – unmarried…

I’m not sure when the cut off happens from single to unmarried but I’m fairly certain the same math equation is used to determine when you become a cougar.  But at 38 years old I may have hit the unmarried mark.

It sounds so dreaded written in print for the world to see.  I don’t think of myself as unmarried.  Unmarried conjurs up a Susan Boyle type woman in sensible shoes and a possible pant suit of a polyester/acrylic blend.  Thankfully I own neither.  I do own a TON of clothes and only about 1/10th of my shoes are sensible and honestly that’s stretching it a bit.  Unmarried makes you think about some poor lonely dusty aunty whom you invite to gatherings just cause you have to.  Dear Lord.  That is SO NOT ME and I’m pretty positive with that brain and her charisma I’m sure that’s not Elena either.

We are a culture obsessed with coupling up.  Ob-sessed.   But with the divorce rate at 50% percent for first marriages, 67% for second and 74% for third marriages – I’m not so sure it’s such a hot idea, no judgement – to each their own. 

I could go on and on and on this subject – but Maureen Dowd says it best here… http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F0CEFDD153EF93AA25756C0A9669D8B63&ref=maureendowd

You should read it.  It’s worth it.

I don’t even want to bring up the softball pic of Elena

And the entire nation discussing whether she was gay or not because of some stupid picture of her playing softball with her work collegues.

Thank goodness I’m not up for the Supreme Court nomination cause with those Kickball pics of me on facebook wearing those god awful uniforms (yes Brian Smith they are ugly – ugly colors, ugly logo, ugly fabric) that someone posted of me playing with my co-workers – then that’s proof positive I’m gayer than gay.  I mean COME ON… really?  And I’m not even going to give a disclaimer saying – well there’s nothing wrong with being gay – cause that just feeds into the whole notion that being gay is wrong.  It’s not. 

But come on America.  Really?  Someone’s marital status is up for debate?  It’s an actual topic of conversation?  It is isn’t it?  Especially being a woman.  We are all fascinated that a woman would nurture her very own career rather than nurturing and growing a family.  Men do it EVERY SINGLE DAY.  When a woman does it – it’s topic for discussion.  I say – go nurture that career Elena.  You done good. 

And look where you are now?  Sitting as the next Supreme Court Justice – unless you (Senator Larry Craig) get caught up in some intern scandal where you are using your foot under a bathroom stall to signal sex or you are actually sleeping with your interns or you were actually having an affair with your assistant while you (Newt Gingrich) were putting the President of the United States of America on trial for impeachment for getting oral sex under his desk and it wasn’t from his wife or you (Senator Edwards)were having children out of wedlock while your partner battled cancer. 

If you can escape ALL of that nonsense – then I say – good luck Elena Kagan!!  You are quite all right in my book.  You nurture that career.  You shoot for the stars – let “them” call you unmarried.  You’re not unmarried to me – you’re a hot shit single chick going for it and I say more power to you!! 

Us Single Ladies have to stick together and put our hands up…

Stress can go suck it

So I haven’t been blogging or been on Twitter or really even checked out Facebook.

I’ve been stressing about my job.  Which sucks.  But takes up A LOT OF TIME

And amazingly enough I still have my job.  Last week I was certain I was getting canned.  I wasn’t.  I still could – but this week I still have my job.  And I’m thankful.  I like my job.  I get to bring my little dog to work everyday.  And I like what I do.

And let’s be honest everyone stresses about his or her job – it’s boring to talk about and even more boring to read about.

Here is what I’ve been up to BESIDES stressing about my job:

MARTHA/ANTONIO/BIG BIRD

Went to see a live taping of the Martha Stewart Show with my Mom for her birthday/mother’s day.  Yes the tickets were free – but still it’s the thought that counts right?

I only tell you this because there were two very important guests on her show that day:  Antonio Banderas AND Big Bird.

I’ll admit – I’m not a huge Banderas fan.  But in person I became a Banderas fan.  He’s got sex appeal – it’s weird and I’m ashamed to even admit it.  He was hocking two things:  His part in Shrek II and his new fragrance:  Blue Seduction – yup we got a sample of it – I’ve been wearing it everyday.  I like it.  My mother looked at me in the cab when I was gushing about Antonio and said:  Who are you?  I know right.

Plus we got this really great swag bag with perfume, a crafty 2 in 1 hole punch and some great craft paper.  Send me your address I’ll send you a homemade card. Remember I don’t have television – I have some spare time on my hands.

And Big Bird – come on.  I mean how can you resist that guy?  It was amazingly warm in the studio and Big Bird became warm – there were two children in front of us and Big Bird wanted to take off his head and his handler was going to do just that but everyone and when I say everyone I mean even MARTHA freaked out and said NNNNOOOOO the kids!!! Can you imagine the psychological effects of seeing Big Bird be-headed in front of your very eyes?  Ugh I can’t even think about it.

LIPSTICKLESS BRUNCH

Cooked my mother an AWESOME mother’s day brunch and when I say AWESOME I really mean:  Nothing caught on fire.

Yes it seems when ever I have my family over something always ends up aflame.  I know what you’re thinking:  I suck at cooking.  I don’t and I resent the implication.

I’m a great cook. I purposefully act stupid in the kitchen cause my Mom is like a gourmet chef in the kitchen and I play on her pity for my skills in order to get food from her at regular intervals.  And when I mean food I mean risotto cakes, chicken wrapped in bacon with sage and asparagus lasagna that is AMAZING.

But she came over for mother’s day brunch and it was a success.  Nothing got light on fire.  And the food actually was delicious – including the lemon yogurt muffins that looked weird when I started making them.

Last time I had a going away party for my niece who was headed to summer camp – someone left wrapping paper on the dining room table next to a candle and when we went outside to eat some cake and we heard a smoke alarm but we kept chatting and eating cake – my mom even went inside and said – no it’s not your alarm.  I came in to get more drinks and SCREAMED cause there were five-foot flames on my dining room table. I have two fire extinguishers.  I didn’t use either.  I used two cereal bowls filled with water. Come to my house – my dining room table will forever have a tablecloth on it.

Oh and more importantly – I went the ENTIRE Brunch with no lipstick on and my mother said nothing.  Not a peep. Which is monumental for this woman – I’m convinced I could be lying in the hospital and my mother would put lipstick on me.  It’s sort of like Bret Michaels and his bandana – never without it.  That’s my mom – never without her lipstick.  I couldn’t believe when to my horror I realized it half way through eating and my mom sat there all regal and noble for not saying anything and said – yup I didn’t say anything.  WOW…

I BROKE UP WITH CABLE TELEVISION

I stopped getting cable television.  Now when I tell people this they get this weird looks on their face and actually say to me:  I don’t understand what you mean?  I reply:  You turn on my TV and you get a test pattern.  I don’t even get basic.

And I’m happy beyond belief that I don’t even miss it.  I mean I really don’t.  Not even a little.

Not even sorta.  Take my iPod away and I’ll hunt you down and kill you – but TV I’m ok without.

I found Redbox at Stop & Shop.  Can’t beat it.  I found hulu.com – can’t beat that either.  I don’t need to spend $1200 a year on cable television.  No need.

$1200 a year will buy me some great adventure vacation with some hot guy guide where we hike around and kayak in white water rapids and camp and have fun.  I can do without television.

THE ERA OF PORNO NAILS HAS ENDED

I got rid of my porno nails.  Yes I had long nails.  Like super long.  Always French Manicured – standing Sunday appointment every two weeks with Tommy at Sun Nails – LOVED THEM.  Decided I was in a rut – so I got rid of them.  Now I have super short nails.  It’s fine and I actually forgot how much I like painting my own nails.  After having porno nails for 3 years it was time for a change.

HIGH SCHOOL REUNION?  REALLY?

My 20^th High School Reunion is coming up.  I’m not really as psyched, as I should be.  I mean isn’t this why I have facebook?  I get to see everyone’s kids and skip all the boring social chitchat that usually accompanies these things.  But my Twitter friends say I’ll have a blast.  Ok sure.  I guess I’ll go.

So hopefully I’ll be back to blogging again.  I mean I HAVE to rant about the new Supreme Court Justice Nominee and how she is referred to as unmarried and not single.  Maureen Dowd got me thinking when she wrote her column this week.

That subject absolutely deserves a rant by me – considering I’ve never been married pushing 40….