I was traveling so you’ll have to forgive me for the lateness in posting my blog and the topic is the Oscars which in our fast paced world happened eons ago.  I know, I know – but it still bears me ranting just a tiny little bit.  It really does.  I mean some things are worth storing up and getting off your chest.  The Oscars are sort of related to the Superbowl Ads in my head so it’s all part of the same thing to me.  And by thing I really mean – the same slightly misogynist underlying tone that has pervaded America (aren’t you proud of me @binduwiles?  That was a super fancy sentence)

Ok let’s get down to it:  I tweeted this early – but it’s worth mentioning again:  It is 2010 (earmuffs people) for fuck sake there shouldn’t be a first ANYTHING at this point in time.  The fact that Kathryn Bigelow was the FIRST female director to be NOMINATED (never mind winning) is just incredulous to me.  How the FUCK did we get this far and not have a woman director nominated?

My theory:  the answer is in the Superbowl Ads.  Now let me give you a full disclosure:  I am a SPORTS FANATIC… I watch Sunday football EVERY Sunday the season is in session.  I watch the scouting combines on the NFL network in the off season.  I plan my Sunday’s around what time the NY Football Giants are on TV – oh they are on at 1pm – can’t meet you for lunch – how about dinner?  They are on at 4pm – oops can’t meet you for dinner – how about a nice Brunch – I’ll even get dressed up.  I won’t even get into my NY Knicks (I know they are pitiful – but I still watch them) and in 1994 when they were in the playoffs and my boyfriend at the time made dinner reservations at a restaurant it took him 2 months to get into – I cancelled on him – the Knicks were in the playoffs.  Uhm yeah – he broke up with me over it.  He thought I was being selfish and didn’t care about his feelings.  All valid points and I understood them completely  – but the Knicks were in the playoffs.

Superbowl is like my Christmas.  It’s huge.  I plop myself on the couch ALL day – I have a meal planned out – friends come over  – I mean coverage starts at 9am anyhow so I’m into it.  I love every little detail about it.  The player’s stories – the dedication – overcoming adversity or injury – the family stories that somehow involve their mom.  L-O-V-E   I-T….

This year I was not only stunned, but completely floored that the superbowl ads were so geared towards the “spineless” man and his girlfriend/wife beating him down.  Really?  That’s all the Ad Agencies could come up with?  Some dude shopping with his girlfriend and Jim Nantz commentating about how the guy’s spine was removed and he should be home watching the NFL.  How about this Jim Nantz – there are MILLIONS of women out there who are bigger sports fans then their boyfriends – or better yet there are TRILLIONS of women who don’t have boyfriends or want boyfriends.  You wouldn’t catch me dragging any guy around a mall on Sunday or any day for that matter.  Screw that – go find your own shit to do.  OR how about The Dodge Charger’s Ad?  The one where there is a montage of mundane tasks that the guy has to do – like taking out the garbage (I’m sort of imagining here that he had some participation in creating that garbage at some point) or picking up the clothes off the floor (you’re a fucking adult pick up after yourself) – well his LAST STAND was buying a Dodge Charger.  Really?  Reeaaally?  If I was a dude I would be super offended.  But what offended me was this underlying message of the ads that were – women are really doing nothing in guy’s lives except nagging – nagging and cleaning – that’s all we are really doing in ads anyway – you never see a guy running around with a Swifter all excited about its cleaning powers – don’t get me started on Mr. Clean – some poor woman home alone so lonely she’s talking to an imaginary cartoon man?  Has anyone thought about this?  One company’s slogan is – Choosy Mom’s Choose Jif – what Dad’s don’t choose peanut butter?  Or we are peeing our pants – Poise – or we are running and leaping and doing cartwheels with our period using Playtex sport.  I don’t even know what Playtex sport tampons are and why they are different from regular tampons.  And for the record I haven’t done a cartwheel in over 20 years and I’m fairly certain the last time I did one – I didn’t have my period.

Basically we clean, nag and get our period.

And with that message being broadcasted to millions and millions of viewers – it’s no wonder it’s 2010 and Kathryn Bigelow is the first woman to win an Oscar in the directing category.  Holy shitballs Kathryn well done.  You were up against the ropes and you came back fighting AND you won!

Please don’t get me started that she couldn’t even bask in her own glory without her past marriage to whatshisname being brought up in every question or comment about her winning.  Leave it be – she’s not the first divorced woman in the world – let it go.

But then I look at my twitter timeline during the Oscars and I was completely blown away how critical everyone was of the women and their dresses and there were way more negative comments about women and their get-ups than there were positive.  A lot of them were from WOMEN.

At some point – we need to start supporting each other and NOT buy into the system of judging women so harshly.  Personally, I thought every single one of those actresses looked great – the sole reason:  If I had to stuff myself into one of those gowns and walk a red carpet it would be a hot friggin’ mess.  There isn’t enough spanx in this world to suck in the massive amount of cellulite on my gigantic ass to look good in any dress that is worthy of the red carpet.  I think about all there agonizing decisions those actresses had to make to select a dress – my god I take forever to get dressed for work – I can’t imagine being photographed by 17,435 photographers and having my picture broadcasted around the world for EVERYONE to pick apart.  So I didn’t pick any of them apart – I wouldn’t want it done to me.  We are all struggling on some level – we all need to have a little compassion bestowed on us.  And for that reason all those actresses looked gorgeous to me.  My one hope is next time you want to critique an actress or another woman for that matter for what she is wearing you take a minute and think – would I want someone saying that about me?  It’s a long shot but I think we can do it.  I mean all these amazing women on Twitter that I follow – we should band together and take over the entire planet….

Alright enough ranting I have to go nag someone, clean something and check to see if I got my period.