Stress can go suck it

So I haven’t been blogging or been on Twitter or really even checked out Facebook.

I’ve been stressing about my job.  Which sucks.  But takes up A LOT OF TIME

And amazingly enough I still have my job.  Last week I was certain I was getting canned.  I wasn’t.  I still could – but this week I still have my job.  And I’m thankful.  I like my job.  I get to bring my little dog to work everyday.  And I like what I do.

And let’s be honest everyone stresses about his or her job – it’s boring to talk about and even more boring to read about.

Here is what I’ve been up to BESIDES stressing about my job:

MARTHA/ANTONIO/BIG BIRD

At the Martha TapingWent to see a live taping of the Martha Stewart Show with my Mom for her birthday/mother’s day.  Yes the tickets were free – but still it’s the thought that counts right?

I only tell you this because there were two very important guests on her show that day:  Antonio Banderas AND Big Bird.

I’ll admit – I’m not a huge Banderas fan.  But in person I became a Banderas fan.  He’s got sex appeal – it’s weird and I’m ashamed to even admit it.  He was hocking two things:  His part in Shrek II and his new fragrance:  Blue Seduction – yup we got a sample of it – I’ve been wearing it everyday.  I like it.  My mother looked at me in the cab when I was gushing about Antonio and said:  Who are you?  I know right.

Plus we got this really great swag bag with perfume, a crafty 2 in 1 hole punch and some great craft paper.  Send me your address I’ll send you a homemade card. Remember I don’t have television – I have some spare time on my hands.

And Big Bird – come on.  I mean how can you resist that guy?  It was amazingly warm in the studio and Big Bird became warm – there were two children in front of us and Big Bird wanted to take off his head and his handler was going to do just that but everyone and when I say everyone I mean even MARTHA freaked out and said NNNNOOOOO the kids!!! Can you imagine the psychological effects of seeing Big Bird be-headed in front of your very eyes?  Ugh I can’t even think about it.

LIPSTICKLESS BRUNCH

Cooked my mother an AWESOME mother’s day brunch and when I say AWESOME I really mean:  Nothing caught on fire.

Yes it seems when ever I have my family over something always ends up aflame.  I know what you’re thinking:  I suck at cooking.  I don’t and I resent the implication.

I’m a great cook. I purposefully act stupid in the kitchen cause my Mom is like a gourmet chef in the kitchen and I play on her pity for my skills in order to get food from her at regular intervals.  And when I mean food I mean risotto cakes, chicken wrapped in bacon with sage and asparagus lasagna that is AMAZING.

But she came over for mother’s day brunch and it was a success.  Nothing got light on fire.  And the food actually was delicious – including the lemon yogurt muffins that looked weird when I started making them.

Last time I had a going away party for my niece who was headed to summer camp – someone left wrapping paper on the dining room table next to a candle and when we went outside to eat some cake and we heard a smoke alarm but we kept chatting and eating cake – my mom even went inside and said – no it’s not your alarm.  I came in to get more drinks and SCREAMED cause there were five-foot flames on my dining room table. I have two fire extinguishers.  I didn’t use either.  I used two cereal bowls filled with water. Come to my house – my dining room table will forever have a tablecloth on it.

Oh and more importantly – I went the ENTIRE Brunch with no lipstick on and my mother said nothing.  Not a peep. Which is monumental for this woman – I’m convinced I could be lying in the hospital and my mother would put lipstick on me.  It’s sort of like Bret Michaels and his bandana – never without it.  That’s my mom – never without her lipstick.  I couldn’t believe when to my horror I realized it half way through eating and my mom sat there all regal and noble for not saying anything and said – yup I didn’t say anything.  WOW…

I BROKE UP WITH CABLE TELEVISION

this is all I have leftI stopped getting cable television.  Now when I tell people this they get this weird looks on their face and actually say to me:  I don’t understand what you mean?  I reply:  You turn on my TV and you get a test pattern.  I don’t even get basic.

And I’m happy beyond belief that I don’t even miss it.  I mean I really don’t.  Not even a little.

Not even sorta.  Take my iPod away and I’ll hunt you down and kill you – but TV I’m ok without.

I found Redbox at Stop & Shop.  Can’t beat it.  I found hulu.com – can’t beat that either.  I don’t need to spend $1200 a year on cable television.  No need.

$1200 a year will buy me some great adventure vacation with some hot guy guide where we hike around and kayak in white water rapids and camp and have fun.  I can do without television.

THE ERA OF PORNO NAILS HAS ENDED

Porno Nails BEFOR

I got rid of my porno nails.  Yes I had long nails.  Like super long.  Always French Manicured – standing Sunday appointment every two weeks with Tommy at Sun Nails – LOVED THEM.  Decided I was in a rut – so I got rid of them.  Now I have super short nails.  It’s fine and I actually forgot how much I like painting my own nails.  After having porno nails for 3 years it was time for a change.

HIGH SCHOOL REUNION?  REALLY?

My 20th High School Reunion is coming up.  I’m not really as psyched, as I should be.  I mean isn’t this why I have facebook?  I get to see everyone’s kids and skip all the boring social chitchat that usually accompanies these things.  But my Twitter friends say I’ll have a blast.  Ok sure.  I guess I’ll go.

So hopefully I’ll be back to blogging again.  I mean I HAVE to rant about the new Supreme Court Justice Nominee and how she is referred to as unmarried and not single.  Maureen Dowd got me thinking when she wrote her column this week.

That subject absolutely deserves a rant by me – considering I’ve never been married pushing 40….

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